The Fireman's Son Page 9

  “A mutual friend of ours called me later that week...” She stopped. Thought. Rephrased. “What I thought was a friend of ours,” she said. “Maybe he had a thing for me himself, or maybe he just had it in for Reese, but for whatever reason, he called to let me know that Reese wasn’t coming to the party because he had a date with another girl. Someone named Susan Shepherd.”

  “Did he?” Sara’s soft tone continued to keep her safe. Right when she’d been feeling like she had jumped off that proverbial cliff.

  “I don’t know. But I believe he did. After that phone call I asked him again to come to the party. I told him he could come as late as he needed. Whenever the night drills were through. He kept putting me off. Reese and I had been together a long time. I could tell that something wasn’t right. And so I told him not to bother coming to Saturday’s homecoming events, either. I don’t know, maybe I was hoping he’d change his mind and come to the party with me. Or at least tell me the truth about what he was doing.”

  “Of course you did,” Sara said. “It’s a perfectly normal response.”

  Perfectly normal? Nothing about her memories of that time seemed normal.

  “Whatever I’d hoped, he didn’t come at all that weekend. I was planning to stay in the dorm and study. It wasn’t like one missed homecoming was the end of the world. At all. But then my roommate’s boyfriend shows up with his older brother in tow. Carrie, my roommate, had been looking forward to seeing her boyfriend for weeks. The guys had driven down from San Francisco and she’d begged me to hang out with them, to be a fourth for the brother so she and her boyfriend could have some time alone. She assured me that the older brother knew I was in a very committed relationship. And that I was going along as a friend.”

  Sara’s expression darkened. Which, oddly, in that moment, gave Faye courage.

  “It was my first time ever out drinking in campus bars without Reese, and I was picturing him out with this Susan I’d never even heard of, and I just started drinking like there was no tomorrow.”

  Funny how you sometimes manifested what you most feared. After that night there’d been no tomorrow. Not for her and Reese. Not for the life she’d planned for herself. Her marriage and family. Her nursing career. Her happiness. All of it wiped away with no hope of tomorrow.

  Or so it had seemed.

  It had all been her fault. Her little attempt at manipulation, basically giving Reese an ultimatum. Come Friday or don’t come at all.

  Her jealousy.

  The drinking.

  She’d made that choice. Consciously. And then, as the evening wore on and she was less able to make concrete decisions, she’d made them drunkenly.

  Her escort, an older, more mature guy of twenty-three, had seemed really nice as he’d bought her more drinks. Seemed to understand that she was drowning her sorrows. Was willing to sit there all night and listen to her whine. He’d even put his arm around her and stabilized her so she could make it back to her dorm room safely.

  And that was where she’d lost track of things.

  “It’s okay, Faye. You were a perfectly normal college girl with a broken heart.”

  Sara’s words brought her out of hell. She’d gone so far back, she’d mostly forgotten that she was speaking aloud to another person, not just reliving the hell herself.

  “I remember getting back to the room,” she continued with the telling. “I remember being confused that Carrie and her boyfriend weren’t there. I remember the guy trying to kiss me and me telling him no. I remember being scared when it seemed like he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. I remember fighting him. Thinking of Reese. Starting to cry.

  “And that’s it. That’s all I’ve ever been able to remember. Until early the next morning when I woke up alone in my dorm bed, partially dressed.”

  “Did you shower?”

  “Of course I did. Immediately. I was so ashamed, I couldn’t even look at myself. I hated what I’d done to myself, hated that I’d put myself in the situation to begin with.”

  She’d even gone through a time where she’d hated that she’d been so dependent on Reese, on their love, that she’d lost her mind when she’d thought he’d been cheating. Faye had learned that lesson well.

  She would never, ever give a man that much power over her again. Would never believe in love that completely.

  “Did you tell anyone?” Sara asked softly.

  “No. All I could think about at that point was that I’d been unfaithful to Reese and the guilt was eating me alive.

  “By that afternoon, I was shaking and sick to my stomach. I needed to talk to Reese but couldn’t let him see me like that. I was afraid to call him. Afraid I’d start sobbing or he’d hear something different in my voice. And I kept thinking about him and Susan. What if he really had been on that date? What if he’d put going out with that other girl above my Friday night party invitation?

  “But I was so scared and needed him so badly and I did a really dumb thing.”

  “You got drunk again?”

  “What?” Faye blinked, back in the real world completely for a moment. “No! I’ve never done that again. Ever. No, I texted him and told him I thought we should break up. It was dumb. More of my stupid jealousy, trying to get a reaction out of him. I sat there shaking after I sent the text, waiting for him to text me back. Argue with me. Tell me how much I mean to him.”

  “He didn’t,” Sara said, still right there with her. Acting as though she had the rest of the day to be a friend to the mother of one of her patients.

  “Nope. He just said, ‘Okay.’ And then asked why, as if he didn’t already know. If he didn’t care, I saw no point in telling him anything more.’’

  “How long did it take before one of you broke down and talked about this?”

  She looked at Sara. Kind of startled. “Why do you think we did?”

  “You’re here. Working for him.”

  And what woman would ever apply for a job with an ex with that kind of baggage still hanging between them?

  Yeah, well...

  “Maybe one of us would have, given time. I didn’t have much of that. Less than a month later, I started to suspect I was pregnant. Reese and I hadn’t slept together for a few weeks before homecoming so it was pretty clear whose baby I was carrying. What would have been the point of contacting Reese after that?”

  “But you’ve talked now. He knows about all of this? That’s how you can work so well together?”

  Were they working well together? Reese was her boss. Practically a stranger.

  She shook her head. And then so did Sara.

  “I called the older brother as soon as I knew,” she continued, because she had to get this out now or not at all. She wasn’t coming back to this place in her life again. Not out loud. “Oddly enough, he was wonderful to me. He told me he hadn’t been able to think of anyone but me since that night, but my roommate and his brother had broken up that weekend and he knew Reese and I were planning to marry...

  “He tells me that the sex we had that night was the best he’d ever had. That, in the end, I begged him to take me and he just couldn’t get that sound out of his mind. But the most erotic part was when I’d told him it was the best sex I’d ever had, too.”

  The best sex ever and she hadn’t been able to remember a second of it.

  “He asked me to marry him, and though I put off answering him for several months, in the end, I did. I had to quit school. While I could live with my father, he couldn’t support me and the baby. He’d moved into a one-bedroom place. There was no one else to take me in, support me while I had a child. And how was I going to provide for my son? Besides, his father was head over heels in love with me and said he wanted his son...”

  “Frank was the ‘older brother’?” Sara’s reaction was...alarming. The shocked tone in her
voice, the emotion simmering in her gaze.

  She nodded.

  “But that’s not what I had to tell you. I mean, it’s all part of it. None of this is to be repeated outside of you and me and these walls. Period.”

  Sara nodded. Gave her hand a squeeze. She’d actually forgotten that the woman was holding on to her. She grabbed hold this time, making sure that Sara didn’t let her go.

  “It gets worse,” she warned.

  “I know.” Sara’s soft tone had returned. “He was your abuser...”

  Well, yes, that. But they didn’t need to go into that. Faye had her own counseling avenues. This was about Elliott.

  With a little shake of her head, she said, “Just before Elliott’s sixth birthday, he had to have his tonsils out. Frank was working and couldn’t make it for the surgery. He didn’t come that evening, either. I spent that night in the hospital with Elliott. The next morning, Elliott was running a low-grade fever and they told me they might be keeping him a second day. I went home to shower and get some things to occupy him in case he had to stay in bed all day. As I came out of the shower, Frank was there. Naked. Ready...”

  She had to swallow back bile. Even now.

  “He said...he said before I could go back, I owed him. My penance for being away from his bed all night.”

  She squeezed. Hard. Not realizing Sara’s hand was beneath hers. And then she did. But not because the counselor had reacted. Sara was safety. An angel Faye didn’t feel she deserved.

  Maybe that was why Sara didn’t say anything. Maybe she was sitting this one out.

  But, no, she’d just let Faye squeeze the hell out of her hand.

  Faye didn’t have to handle this alone. She had support. Even physical support when she needed it.

  “For once, I couldn’t hide my disgust,” she said. “We had a huge fight. It was bad.” She didn’t want to call up the details. It was enough to know they were there.

  “And then he reached a point he’d never reached before. He looked me straight in the eye and told me I was nothing but a frigid bitch. Just like the first night. He said I was so tight and crying so hard he couldn’t even get in me.”

  She wasn’t crying. Shouldn’t she be feeling more? Saying the words out loud for the first time?

  They were there all the time, in her mind. But their release...she’d expected it to be...harder.

  “Faye?”

  Sara looked all business now.

  “Are you telling me that you and Frank hadn’t had sex yet when you found out you were pregnant?”

  She started to shake. She felt cold and then hot. Thought she might pass out.

  She breathed. Drank the water Sara handed her.

  “He was there...” she said minutes later. “He was...his stuff touched there. But...” She looked at the counselor, just wanting to die. “I don’t know. My periods weren’t regular. What if there’s a chance Elliott belongs to Reese? And I stole him from him? One stupid choice after another led me to ruin so many lives...”

  “We’ll talk about that, too,” Sara said gently. “But first...”

  Faye couldn’t stop now. “Part three of the plan to come here, after getting the job and getting Elliott well, was telling Reese and giving him the chance to take a DNA test with Elliott if he wanted to. He’s going to hate me even more than he already does. And I don’t blame him. I’ve mostly made my peace with what’s past and what I can’t change. I just... I promised myself the day I left Frank to be with my son in the hospital that I would not take Elliott back to that house. And that I would spend the rest of my life making conscious choices. Planning everything. I will be a decent, good, hardworking person...”

  She heard herself and stopped. Was embarrassed. Ashamed all over again. This wasn’t about her. Period.

  “Reese won’t want me, but he might want Elliott. I’d made up my mind that if Elliott was well, and wanted to be with his father, I will let him go. But I can’t do that yet. The last thing my son needs right now is his mother’s desertion on top of everything else. He might not like me all that much, I might remind him of horrors from his past, but he knows I love him, and he needs that.”

  Sara smiled. Let go of her hand to pat it. And then sat back. “Slow down there, cowgirl,” she said with a lighter tone. “You’re right. Elliott needs you more now than ever. As a matter of fact, he needs you more than he needs anything else. Just trust me on that one, for now. No one is going to take that boy away from you.

  “I’ve read your files, as you know, and aside from some remaining self-doubt, self-blame and one or two other things mixed in, you’re a strong, healthy, capable woman. If you were asking to adopt a child, I’d recommend you for the job. You’ve been irrevocably hurt, Faye, but that doesn’t make you any less valuable as a human being, a woman...or a mother.”

  Faye’s eyes flooded. So much so that she couldn’t even blink away the tears. Or see through them. She tried to hold back. To nod and get herself under control.

  It took the next fifteen minutes to make that happen.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  THE STATION WAS hopping from Friday afternoon on. Three crashes. Two fires. And a cat in a tree. Reese shook his head as he read over the paperwork on that one. As much as the world had changed, cats still ran up trees and people still called the local fire department to get them down.

  There’d also been one elderly assist—a man who’d needed help lifting his wife off the floor after she’d fallen out of bed.

  The fires had both been routine, if ever there was such a thing. A near miss from an illegal burn-off in a field. The farmer was going to be hit with charges on that one. A little more wind and they could have had the beginnings of a wildfire. California’s worst nightmare.

  Or at least Reese’s.

  The other had been an explosion in a nearby manufacturing plant. His crew had responded and had things under control in less than an hour.

  By ten o’clock Saturday morning, the paperwork had all been signed. He had a pile of “to-dos” in his inbox. Grabbing his keys, he left them there.

  He had a call to make, and didn’t want to risk being overheard.

  In his truck, he dialed before he was even out of the firehouse parking lot.

  She picked up on the first ring. Like she knew his personal number. Or didn’t and had no idea who she’d be talking to.

  “Faye?”

  “Yes, do you need me to come in? Elliott’s already at the Stand for a computer thing he wanted to do. I’ve got a full grocery cart, but I’ll just get the manager. He can have someone put everything back—”

  “Faye.” His tone was different this time. He’d like to think it was still completely professional but he needed her to listen. He knew this tone always worked when he was serious about something.

  “Yeah?”

  Seemed to still be working.

  “I want to talk to Elliott...”

  “He’s not here right now.”

  She’d already told him that. Which meant that she was flustered. His first instinct was to take pleasure from that.

  Because sometimes he was an ass.

  “I’d like to stop by your house later today, if that would be okay. I want to talk to him at home.”

  “Why?”

  Defensiveness was not what he’d expected.

  Prevarication, maybe, but really he’d expected her to agree.

  He was in the driver’s seat here. She’d begged him for the job. “I’ve been thinking about Kyle at that scene. And Elliott having matches but not telling us where he got them.”

  That was his story and he was sticking to it. If the kid had called him as a cry for help, then it was Reese’s job, as the Santa Raquel Fire Chief, to seek out explanations for unanswered questions.

 
“He’s pissed at me for ‘snitching’ to you about Kyle. I’m not sure talking to him about that is a good idea.”

  “Thanks for the heads-up. I’d like to help with that, too, if I can. At this point, Kyle isn’t in trouble. He’s a witness to a scene. I’ve just got this persistent niggling about those matches...”

  “He’s going to be at the Stand until after lunchtime.”

  “Anytime is fine.”

  “He’s had a bad week, Reese. I’m just...”

  Was she afraid her son would say something she’d regret? Or act out in a way that would embarrass her?

  She was a single mom of an eight-year-old at-risk kid. One would kind of expect some acting out.

  “I’m not asking for a warm welcome, Faye. Or even a polite one. He called me. I’d like to follow up. And I prefer not to do it at The Lemonade Stand where our visit will be noticed.”

  It was a book of matches.

  He had much bigger problems at his back, and he was supposed to be golfing with several members of the city council, including the mayor and the new chief of police. Why was he pushing this?

  “Does it have to be at the house?”

  She didn’t want him there.

  He understood. And still didn’t like it.

  “Where would you like it to be?”

  “I promised him a trip to the beach this afternoon. He wore his swim trunks to the Stand.”

  Would it cause a behavioral problem for Elliott if she had to renege on her promise? He was only guessing. About all of it.

  “I can meet you at the beach. Tell me which one and what time.”

  Was he nuts? In his golf shorts and shirt, he was ready for eighteen holes. Not a trip to the beach.

  She named the beach, telling him where in the parking lot she’d be at two.

  Reese couldn’t help but wonder exactly what part of having him in her home scared Faye the most.

  Wondered, too, why it bothered him so much.

  * * *