Their Second-Chance Baby Page 5

  She needed to clean the fans, too.

  Stuff that should happen whether she ever had a child in her home or not.

  Her toes were cold. Reaching for the gray-and-white chenille throw on the back of her couch—not really her preferred color, but it had been a gift from a desk clerk—she threw it over her feet. And for a second there, saw Seth’s hand smoothing it down over her feet, tucking it in.

  He wasn’t there. But the memory was so strong she felt his presence. She’d always had cold feet. And he’d always covered them for her. Even after several years of marriage, he’d still been conscientious enough, aware of her enough, caring enough, to do that.

  Tears sprang up again, as they’d been doing since the procedure the day before. Since she’d seen him again, really. And realized that she didn’t want anyone but him to be the father of her child.

  When he’d told her no, it was as though her entire plan faded to nothing. Because she couldn’t have any current eggs fertilized, she’d told herself. But the truth was, she wanted Seth’s child. Made no sense, was completely illogical, but there it was.

  She didn’t want him. Couldn’t ever trust him with her heart again. That truth was unequivocal, and she didn’t question it. Or fight it.

  But...if they could possibly, maybe in a year or two in the future when the baby was able to walk and talk, interact more, Seth could play a bit of a part...

  The thought stopped the tears, so she let it exist. Tried to focus on other things. Clicked the TV back on. Scrolled through channels. Turned it off. Chose to go with music instead. Made herself a kale-and-cabbage salad with sunflower seeds and honey mustard dressing. Grabbed some crackers for good measure and settled in a chair at the small table in the eating alcove in her kitchen.

  She didn’t eat at home enough.

  Her dining room was generally only used when she had people over.

  And two of three bedrooms hadn’t been slept in...ever. She’d bought the house new. She could vouch for those sleeping-less rooms.

  One would be a nursery.

  Hopefully.

  She hadn’t taken a bite of her salad yet. It was dinnertime and she just wasn’t hungry. But like she had for breakfast and lunch, she picked up the silverware and did what she had to do. Put food in her mouth, chewed and swallowed. Gave energy to the little embryos inside her, hoping and praying that at least one of them chose to hang on to her.

  Chances weren’t really in her favor. Not on a first try. And at thirty-eight years of age. A major reason why she wasn’t telling anyone about her efforts yet.

  She finished every bite of the salad. Rinsed the plate and put it in the dishwasher. Wiped the cupboards of her cheery, bright kitchen with its abundance of windows, and went back to the living room couch. Keeping her uterus mostly supine might not help. But it couldn’t hurt. She had the day to give it. Had to do everything she could do to bring her child to life.

  But was afraid to think about there actually being a baby. She had eight to twelve days to get through before she’d know. Couldn’t spend them dreaming of a reality that might not exist. She was strong, but even she had her limits.

  And the damned television didn’t seem to be able to produce anything other than people having, finding or wanting partners. Why hadn’t she ever noticed that before?

  She didn’t have, wasn’t looking, didn’t want.

  Seth’s face came to her mind’s eye again. Not the younger version from the past, but the man she’d seen just four days before. The one with some wrinkles at the edges of those deep blue eyes. And a hint of silver at the edges of his thick blond hair. And heat flooded her privates. Energy pooled there in a way it hadn’t in far too many years.

  Click, click, click. Annie landed on a horror flick. Something she’d never in a million years choose. She got horror enough in everyday life. But what did she know? Maybe she’d like it...

  Less than a minute in she was scrolling again. And when her phone rang, grabbed it up, relieved to have someone to talk to. Even if it was a robocall. There’d be a voice other than her own at her ear...

  Her world settled for an instant when she saw the name on the screen.

  Chapter Five

  Seth. Almost as though...

  “Hello?” She had to pick up. They’d created those embryos together, whether he still had legal right to them or not.

  “I hope this isn’t a bad time.”

  “No.” She wanted to sit up. To pace or go outside and sit at the little play pool that had come with the new house—in a yard much too big for it. But she remained exactly as she was, leaning back against pillows from both spare beds. “What’s up?”

  “I’m sorry to butt in on you, but I had some questions that I needed to clear up...”

  Of course, he did. Always the lawyer. And always studying every aspect of any event in his life. Ticking off a to-do list.

  Seth’s ways used to drive her mother nuts. Chelsea had been far more of a free spirit than her daughter or son-in-law. Meanwhile, Seth’s attention to detail was one of the things that had endeared him to Annie.

  She’d figured his sticking to his lists was a guarantee that he’d always be there for her. Because it was on the list—their list of wedding vows, written by them, for them.

  “I’ve...uh...done some reading...”

  No surprise there, either, but... “About what?”

  “Implantation.”

  Okay. She wasn’t going to read more into that than was there. Seth was... Seth.

  But...she was glad he hadn’t been able to just sign his name and walk away. The Seth she’d thought she’d married wouldn’t have been able to. It was nice to know she hadn’t completely misjudged him.

  “Things have changed a lot in the last decade,” she told him.

  “The success rate...it’s not...”

  “I know,” she interrupted, her tone soft and completely reassuring. She might have a thought or two about him someday knowing his child, but no way did she want him thinking he was going to start looking out for her again—not in any capacity.

  “So...you’re prepared... Do you plan to try again if it doesn’t take?”

  He was no longer part owner of the material. But the agreement they’d signed at The Parent Portal, and that she’d adhered to when she’d been implanted, gave him the right to ask.

  “I do.” She had an ample supply of money saved. She made a good salary, wasn’t an extravagant person, and had no one else to spend it on.

  Or...more honestly...she’d been saving for a college fund she’d hoped she’d need some day. For her offspring.

  “I’m only using two embryos at a time,” she told him. They’d gone through the process twice, just to be safe. Had retrieved twenty-nine of her healthy eggs. Fourteen had become embryos. She had seven tries to get it right.

  Did he remember the details to do the math? She couldn’t let it matter one way or another.

  “Was that it? One question?” she asked when the line hung silent. It was awkward, the two of them knowing each other so well, but not having really talked, except by the occasional text and email, for almost a decade.

  “No,” he said. “I have another. Assuming one of your implantations is successful, and there are embryos left, what is your plan for them?”

  “I don’t have a plan for them.” If she had any left, she’d...keep them.

  “You have a plan, even if you don’t know it,” he said then. “Would you destroy them?”

  “No.”

  “Then you plan to keep them.”

  She smiled. Remembering, suddenly, a much younger Seth. They’d been dating only a few weeks and she’d told him she couldn’t go out with him on a Friday night. She’d been living on base and had had to have an exterminator in, hadn’t wanted him to suggest that he wait with her. He’d asked pointed questions that really had nothing to do with what he wanted to know—when what he’d really wanted to determine was whether or not she was going out with someone else.

  “I plan to keep them,” she said, not really sure what he was after, but knowing, instinctively, that her keeping the embryos wasn’t it.

  “You plan to have more than one child, then? Assuming things would work out allowing that to happen?”

  They’d always said they wanted kids in even numbers. Four preferably, but at least two. Because they’d both been only children themselves.

  “I’m not thinking that way right now,” she told him. He’d changed, and so had she. “I’m not saying I won’t do that, just that I’m thirty-eight, Seth. Everything I have, every bit of energy and hope, is going into bringing a healthy child into my world. One will be a miracle.”

  When they’d been thinking in twos, there’d been two of them.

  “Okay, then...well, if it turns out you need my signature on anything there at the clinic, don’t worry about asking for it. You’ll get it, no questions asked.”

  And there they were...at his reason for calling. She could let him off the hook. But didn’t.

  “I’m sorry, Annie. I got all up into myself and had no right to be angry with you the other day.”

  The words felt good to hear. She let them replay, relaxed into them. And then said, “Apology accepted.”

  “Will you...uh...let me know the results...one way or another?”

  “If you want me to,” she told him, and then, for both of them added the all-important reminder, “It’s your right, per The Parent Portal agreement we both signed.”

  “I want you to,” he said.

  And though she tried to hold on to it, her heart soared a little higher.

  * * *

  On Monday, Seth was called in to consult on a past project, a legal issue, that had been resolved several years before. The case involved a bi-country team of military personnel working together to further each other’s interests and the logistics of how that would work. He’d been on the legal team that had handled the situation and had been the one who ultimately put forth the plan to which both sides had agreed; now the referendum needed some tweaking. He was fine with the work, just didn’t like that it required him to be out of the country for three days that next week.

  He had no good reason to not want to be gone right now. Though he’d tied up the Hunter Bradley situation, he still wasn’t positive the young sailor was innocent, but because his guilt wasn’t provable, either, Seth had managed to get the charges dropped. And prayed the kid would make the most of his second chance.

  Leaving the country was usually a perk of the job to him. And he could just as easily receive a call from Annie overseas as he could at home in San Diego. Technology was a wonderful thing.

  If either of the embryos lived, she wouldn’t know for more than a week. And it wasn’t like he had any action items on that matter, either way.

  But as he lay in bed each night that he was away, he remembered one evening when he’d awoken late to find that she’d had her period. Why that night kept coming back to him, he didn’t know. But it had the day she’d first visited him the week before and continued to stay with him.

  She’d been so heartbroken. Worse than he’d ever seen her.

  He’d been afraid that night.

  Afraid for her. Afraid of losing her to something neither of them could control.

  And then he’d ended up losing her anyway because he’d been unable to control his own aversion to who she needed to be.

  That lack in himself...yes, well, it was why he’d determined, after a second try, a second failed marriage, to focus on what he did well instead of thinking he needed something he wasn’t made for. He might have thought he wanted a wife. To have a family. But ultimately, he must not have wanted it badly enough.

  After all, he’d been the one who’d walked out of both marriages.

  Walked out on who Annie had become. And his second wife—he hadn’t been able to make her happy, either.

  Lying in the dark the third night, his hands behind his head, staring at shadows, he couldn’t hide from himself. He was afraid again. Afraid that Annie would have her period while he was gone and there’d be no way he could get to her.

  If it happened, it would devastate her. She might not believe that. But he knew it.

  And knew he had to get back to San Diego, just in case.

  The next day, working furiously, he finished his work, and then, on his own dime rather than waiting for military transport, he got a flight that same night. Knew marked relief when he touched down in the United States. And again, when he landed at San Diego’s one-runway airport.

  He was surprised to see an email from Captain Ben Kinder of the San Diego Police Department when he got to his desk the next day. The message was about the youth task force Annie was heading. He hadn’t expected her to actually follow through in connecting him with any team she was on—even peripherally. He answered immediately, agreeing to meet with Kinder to see how the program could help teenagers he met through the community center.

  Seth felt a lift in his mood, too. Knowing that Annie had paved a way for the two of them to be joined—even if from afar. In more than one way.

  And yet, that connection seemed to make the waiting that much more acute. Was she pregnant? Or wasn’t she?

  During the day, work and volunteering helped.

  And at night, after dinner out or beers with buddies, he waited.

  She’d said she’d let him know either way.

  As each day passed, he got more geared up. She’d said either way, and if he wasn’t hearing from her, one could assume that meant she hadn’t started her period. There’d been a time when he’d kept up to date on her cycle, back when they’d been fully focused on their goal of starting a family.

  Who’d have thought a decade later, he’d be right back there, homing in on her cycle, but not to have a child of his own? The thought occurred to him Monday morning as he stood in line at his favorite ocean-view coffee shop not far from the base, a week and two days after the implantation. Plans had changed. But there was a plan. As long as there was a plan, things were good. He ordered his coffee black—nothing frothy, creamy or sweet—slid his bank card into the chip slot and went out to walk for a minute before heading back to his car and onto base.

  A couple of women he passed on the way out the door glanced at him and smiled. Tourists, he figured. He’d learned long ago that it was the uniform that attracted the attention far more than the man inside it.

  Still, proud of the rows of bars he’d earned, he puffed out his chest a bit as he held the door open for an older couple coming inside. He’d become a man he felt good about. Had made the right choices for the person he was.

  He wasn’t quite grinning as he walked away, and almost dropped his coffee as he heard the soft tones of a partial stanza from an old jazz song play from the phone attached to his belt. He’d specifically set the ringtone to be unassuming in the presence of others, but to alert him to an immediate need to answer his phone.

  “Annie?” he asked, juggling hot coffee and his cell phone at the same time. Instead of heading down the sidewalk and around to take the long way to his car, he headed across the street to a sidewalk that kept the ocean in sight.

  “I’m fulfilling my obligation to let you know that I received the results of a pregnancy test a few minutes ago,” she said.

  And he knew. The words were professional but the wavering tone of her voice...

  “You’re pregnant,” he said.

  “Yes.” Her tone changed a bit, grew stronger, and he wondered if his was the first call she’d made. Was he getting the news almost as soon as she was?

  Why that should matter, he couldn’t say, but he couldn’t deny the surge of emotion that quickened his pace for a step or two.

  “However, there is still a greater than normal risk of miscarriage,” she warned. Warning herself as well as him? He heard the hint of fear in her voice.

  How in the hell could you know so much about someone, remember so much, a decade apart?

  “You knew that going in,” he reminded, not to make light of the situation, but to guide her focus back to a less volatile place. “You’re right where you wanted to be.” It did no good to focus on the bad that could happen. That simply made potential negativity a bigger part of your current reality when, in fact, unless it came to be, it wasn’t real.

  “I know. And...thank you for reminding me of that fact.”

  He nodded as he walked. “So, what now?”

  “Just monitoring things. Taking vitamins. Minimizing risks. And otherwise, life as usual.”

  “And your hormone levels? Are they high enough?” If not, she’d be taking hormones. He remembered the drill. And he had refreshed himself on it over the past ten days, too.

  “Yes.”

  There was no more to say. He had no intention of lengthening any conversations that could lead them into getting to know each other better. Sharing things drew people closer together. He and Annie didn’t need that.

  So... “Congratulations on the great news, Annie. I’m truly happy for you.” Surprisingly, he was. In all of the days of waiting, he hadn’t been able to get a good read on himself. Of course, for Annie, he’d wanted her first attempt to be a success, but hadn’t been able to determine where he stood personally with it all.

  Now he saw his lack of attachment as a good thing. Saw it as exactly what they needed. What was right and healthy for both of them.

  “Thank you,” she said. “I need to go. I have a lot of calls to make.”

  “You just found out?” He’d wondered but didn’t need to know. But the moment was kind of...set apart.

  Scientifically a miracle was taking place. Biology that had taken place a decade ago was producing a human being.

  “I’m still sitting in my car outside The Parent Portal.”